My fiancé proposed a little over a year ago. I remember being SO excited to try on wedding dresses. For years you idolize the idea of it, of feeling beautiful and stunning, of the whole room gasping when you walk out.
It was just this dream that I had when I always thought about getting married. I actually hate being the center of attention, I DETEST it. But there’s something about a wedding, or more specifically YOUR wedding, that makes you want that. I think that for me, it was the one day where I got to feel just STUNNING and BEAUTIFUL and I craved that. I wanted to feel like a princess. Even if it was just for the day.
So I called my local dress shop, and made an appointment for a time when all my girls could go. It was going to be such a fun day! This is the shop where they give you champagne and basically cater to your every whimsical desire. I was beyond ecstatic! I remember getting there and walking in and seeing these gorgeously thin women who were supposed to be helping me in and out of dresses. These women were going to see my rolls and my ratty underwear. They were going to watch me struggle to get these giant boobs to fit into things. But, I wasn’t going to let that bother me! I always imagine women like this go into a store and everything just looks good on them. And I know that’s not entirely logical. I’m sure they have problems and things that don’t look good on them either, but hey. It’s my day right? I can feel how I want!
We start pulling dresses off the rack and that’s when the attendant told me that “All the dresses are size 12 since they’re samples”. Ummm…. Do you think these boobs fit in a size 12?! Especially a WEDDING DRESS SIZE 12?!
I remember pulling up the first dress, and turning around to look in the mirror with the attendant before going out to see my ladies. I had to sort of stuff my boobs in and I just wasn’t feeling all that pretty. To be honest, I felt like a stuffed sausage. What was so hard though is that I normally wear a size 10, why was this size 12 just NOT fitting? I felt like I worked so hard to stay at an ok size (I know I could be healthier) and it felt like the world was saying “Oh hey fatty, hey there. You want to wear this beautiful white dress? That’s funny!”.
As if reading my mind, the attendant told me that wedding dress designs are stuck back in the time period when women actually wore corsets and had hand size waists. I guess the basic pattern hasn’t caught up with the average everyday woman. How is that even possible in this day in age!? Woman kind has been making such leaps and bounds, and yet we’re still supposed to conform to these ideals that MEN had? Please wedding industry! Change this! Women don’t want to be told what size we SHOULD be! Marilyn Monroe was a size 12 and she was the sexiest woman alive right? So why are we even ashamed of what size we are, or of what we see when we look in the mirror?
Society has brain washed us to think that there’s either skinny and pretty –OR– fat and ugly. It wasn’t until I started immersing myself in my yoga and meditation practices that I actually started feeling like there was more to the story.
Each and every one of us is beautiful! I bet that no one laughs the way you do, I bet that no one has the same twinkle in their eye, or adorable dimple in their cheek. We are all stunning, no matter the tag on our clothes. And it’s about damn time we remember that and stop letting society tell us otherwise!
Now you may be wondering what happened next. Well: It was a maddening experience. None of the dresses zipped completely and I felt like a whale every time I walked out of the changing room. The only exception was when I found MY dress. And no, it’s not the one in this picture. But I finally had that magical experience of seeing myself in a gown that made me feel like a million bucks. In something that I really felt like would make me feel gorgeous on my wedding day. It was the dress that would make his jaw drop. I just knew it. And more importantly, I just felt like my true self. So beautiful, and ready to become a wife. I was ready to feel worthy of my own self love.